Two years ago today, Gary and I saw our daughter's beautiful face for the first time when we received her referral photo.
After 6 years of waiting we finally found out our daughter's Chinese name, Ling Wan Han. We learned out that she was living in an orphanage in Shangrao in the Jiangxi Province of China. Our 20 month old sweetie had been living in the orphanage since she was about a day old.
We thought that she was the most beautiful child we had ever seen and we couldn't wait to hold her in our arms. It was probably the most emotional day of my life. I was so filled with joy and relief that I cried for hours. The below video shows a messy version of me, but it gives an idea of what referral day is like.
I will never be able to fully express the immense love that we have for this amazing child who we are honored to call our daughter.
Every day when I get home from school I say, "Hello Kitty Dress please Mama!", "Bow shoes please", "Hello Kitty socks please".
And everywhere I go I must have one of my three favorite soft cloth dollies with me.
This is me with my favorite Teddy Newf
Books are another of my favorite things. I like to drag mine all out and have them surrounding me for easy access. As always I have my Hello Kitty dress on and one of my favorite dollies by my side. This particular dolly was the exact one my Daddy gave me when I first met him and Mommy in China. Thanks Papa for picking out this great dolly.
Speaking of China, I am a big fan of the Nickelodeon show "Ni Hao KaiLan!" I now use two Mandarin phrases on a regular basis: Ni Hao (hello) and Xie Xie (thank you).
One of my favorite episodes is when KaiLan and her friends go on an airplane to China. I have lots of pictures of myself when I was a baby in China and I've decided I'm ready to go back for a visit. Mama says she will take me when I get older, and since I am a little older everyday I make sure to mention at least 10 times a day so she doesn't forget... "Mama, I want to go China. Mama and Natalie fly on airplane in the sky, ok?"
[Note From Mama: She calls China "Natalie's China" and says "No you China, Daddy/Mommy; Natalie's China!" I want to take her on a heritage trip in about 10 years.]
A year ago today my dream of becoming a mother came true, Gary finally became a father and 21 month old Ling Wan Han had her life torn apart as she was given to two strange sounding, odd smelling and different looking people. Wan Han was abruptly thrust into a whole new world without a clue of what was happening to her. It was a bittersweet day for me knowing that in her short life Wan Han had lost her birth parents, two sets of foster parents and the only home she had ever known at the Shangrao Ling Orphanage.
From the first moment I held Wan Han in my arms I remember feeling fiercely protective over her. I wanted to keep her safe and provide her with all the love and care she needed to heal from her emotional wounds including the huge one that was inflicted on her the day she met us.
Wan Han cried a little the first few days that we were together, but she was mostly eerily quiet. We wondered if she would ever smile; her spirit seemed broken. She constantly looked around as she seemed to be assessing her new environment for danger. Wan Han quickly decided to turn to me for security while she took in everything with her big shell-shocked eyes. I remember so vividly the moment she made that decision the first night. After we brought her up to our hotel room I was going to leave her with Gary as I took my turn going downstairs to sign paperwork. When Wan Han saw that I was going to leave her she spoke the only words we heard during our first 10 days together as she reached her arms towards me desperately crying out "Mama, Mama". It was so very sad. That is when I realized that she chose me as the person she would cling to during her time of loss and confusion. I knew that to Wan Han "Mama" meant caretaker and that it would be quite some time before I heard that word again with the meaning of mother. (By the way, I ended up taking her downstairs with me and she sat on my lap as I filled out and signed document after document.)
Soon Wan Han decided that Gary was a good playmate and would play stacking blocks with him on the bed. However, for the first several days even her playtime was solemn. It took awhile for all of that fear to turn to love, but eventually it did. Tiny cracks in her somber veneer began showing up on Day 6 and little by little she opened her heart to us. Since then the love between Gary, Natalie and I has never stopped growing.
This movie documents our first year as a family of five: Baba, Mama, Daughter and Newfs. I love seeing how Natalie's face has changed over time as she learned to trust us and fully embrace her new home, dogs, family, life and all the love we have to give.
People we encountered in China frequently gave us thumbs up and said "Lucky Baby" when they realized that we adopted Natalie Wanhan. We feel that we are even luckier to be her parents. Natalie has changed our lives and our hearts forever in the best possible way. We love our amazing, beautiful, precious daughter so much! Every day we have together is a gift that reminds us to live in the present moment and fills us with gratitude.
When we met Natalie she was wearing over 2 pounds of clothing. That is a lot for a rail thin little girl who only weighed 18 pounds at 21 months old. I never previously published these photos, so I thought it would be interesting to show what Natalie's Family Day clothing looked like.
Chinese people believe in dressing much warmer than we do in the U.S. Because Gary and I were warned before travel about the unofficial "clothes police" we tried to be very careful to keep Natalie well covered while we were in public. However, we still had a few ladies come over to us and tug Natalie's pant legs down where they had ridden up. I think it's interesting that they don't seem to be big on wearing hats in China. Maybe they don't know that a lot of body heat can escape through an uncovered head.
Outside layer - The overalls, the only new article of clothing, were donated to the orphanage by a Families with Children from China organization in Spain I believe.
Second layer
Third layer
Fourth layer (including split pants and undershirt both with multiple repairs visible)
Underneath all of that was a dry diaper which was likely put on Natalie just for travel purposes. In the orphanage the children wear split pants and have bare bottoms to provide easy access for using the potty. Natalie was about 95% potty trained when we met her.
When I took Natalie's diaper off I discovered one final layer. A big white bandage had been taped to her abdomen. When I saw it I remember feeling a moment of panic. I was scared to take the bandage off because I was expecting to find a large wound underneath. Instead I found a muddy looking poultice that had been covering up her belly button. What a relief! I found out later that this was an herbal remedy likely meant to prevent colds or digestive problems.
A year ago today Natalie traveled approximately 3 1/2 hours from the Shangrao Ling orphanage to the Crowne Plaza Hotel in the capital of Jiangxi Province, Nanchang.
November 3rd, 2011 was the day we set out on the tangible part of our 6 year long journey to our daughter. The last 12 months have been a wonderful whirlwind. In some ways time has flown, but when I think about the fact that Natalie joined our family less than a year ago it is mind boggling. It feels likes she has been with us for so much longer. Everyday still feels like a miracle to me.
November 7th is our Forever Family Day. Stay tuned for a special movie (1 year in the making :) that will be posted on that day.
3:30 a.m. on 11/3/11 First in line at the Little Rock Airport
Later that day at the Chicago Airport...
2 bleary eyed, but happy future parents on the way to Hong Kong
Love Without Boundaries is an organization that provides humanitarian aid to orphaned children in China. They sponsor many different orphanages in areas such as medical, education and nutrition. Natalie's orphanage, Shangrao Ling in Jiangxi Province, is one that they sponsor, so LWB is near and dear to my heart.
In honor of National Adoption Month, LWB just created this awesome video to promote adoption. I've never before seen a video that makes me want to dance and cry at the same time!
If you are interested in supporting this wonderful organization in a way that will be super easy and cost free to you please copy and paste the link below and use it whenever you purchase anything from Amazon.com. Love Without Boundaries will be given a percentage of the profit which will enable them to continue to expand the number of surgeries they perform, children that they feed, and love that they share with orphans in China. http://www.amazon.com/?&tag=lovewithoutbo-20&camp=15345&creative=331677&linkCode=ur1&adid=1VPM3G1YR77ZPP132GFC&
I'm going to add a permanent button that accesses this link at the top of the right side of my blog, so you can also access it from there at any time in the future.
One year ago today I was sitting at home eagerly waiting for the phone to ring. It was a Friday and I had taken the day off work to have privacy for what I knew would be a very emotional experience. It turns how I had no idea just how extremely emotional it was going to be. Six years after we started our adoption journey Gary and I were finally receiving our referral for our daughter. I decided to document our referral day by videoing it, but when the phone rang around 10:30 a.m. I completely forgot that the camera was rolling in the background. In fact, I discovered later that I had over two hours of footage showing me talking to family and friends about our referral. I tried to compile my favorite moments into the movie below.
A friend of mine once told me that I am not a pretty crier and I know that is true. However, remembering how hungry I was during the wait for any insight into the adoption process I decided to go ahead and post this in case any waiting families want a glimpse into our referral day.
I remember my heart was racing and my tears flowing when I first heard the voice of Jean from CCAI, our adoption agency. Before she told me anything about Natalie I felt a great sense of relief that the wait was over. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. Then the reality hit that I was about to learn about my daughter. One of the things I most wanted to know was how old Natalie was, but I managed to be patient just a bit longer as I waited for Jean to give us the information on Natalie in her own sequence.
Seeing Natalie's face for the first time was the most intense moment of this incredible experience. On a loop, my brain kept repeating, "That beautiful little stranger is our daughter." It took quite a while to fully sink in and I enjoyed every minute of the process. Our agency had warned us not to get too attached to the photograph. That was my intention, but in the end I could not heed that warning. Gary and I both attached to the child in that photograph, or at least to our idea of her. We fell in love fast and we fell hard.
A few weeks ago Natalie attended her first ever birthday party for one of her classmates who turned 3. It was held at a gym that is especially designed for little kids. She had a great time and we are looking forward to going to another birthday party in a couple of weeks.
As I watched Natalie navigate around on the gym equipment I was stunned by the difference between her and her classmates who are all within 6 months of each other in age. The likelihood that Natalie spent most of her waking hours in a walker or in a potty chair for the first 21 months of her life was apparent. Although she has made rapid progress since she came home 10 months ago, we felt like she could benefit from additional assistance to help her catch up the rest of the way.
Natalie was recently tested and qualified for physical therapy to help her gain strength and gross motor skills, occupational therapy to help her with her fine motor skills, speech therapy to help with her articulation and developmental therapy which is a combination of the other three. She tested almost at her age level for expressive and receptive speech which is amazing to me after such a short exposure to English. She is speaking in paragraphs now and it is so much fun to talk to her. Her innovative little brain comes up with things that sometimes make us laugh and sometimes make us shake our heads in awe of how smart and creative she is.
I'll post updates on her progress in her various therapies in the coming months. I wish we had started this process last spring, but since neither her peditrician or teachers were concerned we were a bit blind to the problem. I want to encourage families that are still waiting or are recently home with their children to seek out help sooner rather than later. Many states offer these therapies for free.
When my mother first became a mother herself she was only 24 years old. That seems extremely young to me, but somehow she managed to be the best mother I could ever dream of having. She has always given me so much love and encouragement. She is also one of my very dearest friends. Her love has been my inspiration to be the best mother that I can be to Natalie Wanhan.
Me and my Mommy
Me at four years old borrowing my little sister, Leah, to practice being a Mommy
Mama with me and Leah
Just hours before I officially became a mother...
November 7th, 2011
Me and Natalie during our first hour together. I felt so many emotions when we met, but I think the strongest emotions I felt at the time were love and protectiveness towards Natalie. She was going through such a difficult, life-changing time. I wanted to do everything in my power to ease the way for her - to offer her every possible comfort.
So many of my friends tried to explain to me what it's like to be a mother, but I couldn't fully grasp what they meant until I first held Natalie in my arms.
One week after meeting Natalie Wanhan. She was rapidly becoming a mama's girl. Don't get me wrong, she adores and loves her Daddy, but if she is at tired, hungry or sick she wants her Mama. Daddy is her favorite for playtime.
After 5 months together
Tomorrow we will light a candle for Natalie's first mother. I think of her often. Mother's Days and Natalie's birthdays will be times we will be sure to do something in her honor.
I am so fortunate to be celebrating my first Mothers Day with my own mother and my beautiful daughter Natalie. Happy Mother's Day to all of the loving mothers in the world.
We met our amazing daughter, Natalie Wanhan on November 7th, 2011. The day we became Natalie's parents was both wonderful and intimidating for Gary and I. Despite all the years of preparation I still felt overwhelmed by the beginning of parenthood, but it didn't take me long to get in the groove of being a mother. Now I look back on this day as the most defining moment of my life.
People often speak of the miracle of birth. Adoption is just as much a miracle. Gary and I waited over 5 years and traveled halfway around the world to bring a child who was chosen for us by strangers into our family. When Ling Wan Han's adoption file and our dossier crossed paths in the child matching office in China some person, who I will always think of with extreme gratitude, put the two files together and made us a family. It's mind boggling to think of that simple act that created some of the deepest love I have ever experienced.
Our first glimpse of Ling Wan Han as she arrived at our hotel in Nanchang, China.
From the perspective of Ling Wan Han: After being taken from her foster mother and the orphanage home she had always known, Wan Han then had to travel by car for about four hours - very likely the longest trip she had ever experienced. That evening she was brought to our hotel in Nanchang where she became the center of attention with several people speaking to her all at once. It was after her bedtime and she was hungry to boot. Suddenly a odd looking woman with curly hair and weird eyes (me) knelt down in front of her, reached for her and spoke in a strange language. It makes complete sense that her reaction to being handed over to total strangers was initially one of terror. As a friend recently wrote on her blog, to a child this experience is like being abducted. Wan Han screamed and pushed me away as hard as she could when I picked her up. She was surprisingly strong for a 21 month old undernourished child who only weighed 18 pounds at the time. I will never forget the force of her little hands pushing into me as she tried to escape and return to the familiar orphanage staff.
Natalie's screams stopped in less than 60 seconds. I think my soothing words in both Mandarin and English helped a little bit. However, she kept her body twisted away and avoided eye contact with me. She was more willing to look at Gary - perhaps since he wasn't the bad person who wrenched her away from the only familiar things that were left in her life. Or maybe it was because Gary was the one to introduce her to "Dolly" who quickly became Natalie's favorite comfort object.
For the next five days Natalie went into an emotional shutdown. Other than crying out "Mama, Mama" as she reached for me later that first night Natalie did not speak. Nor did she crack a smile at any of our attempts to be amusing. She was scared and she was grieving. Even as she played stacking blocks with Gary on our 3rd day together her face was very serious and intense looking. On the 6th day she began showing us glimpses of her true bubbly personality, but I don't think we completely saw the real Natalie until about a month later.
Watching Natalie grow into the happy, healthy little girl she is today has been an awe-inspiring experience. She has been through so many difficult times in her short life, but her resilient, beautiful spirit has helped her to adjust and heal so quickly. We love her so much and are grateful for every day we have together.
2 years ago today, a woman somewhere in the Jiangxi Province of China gave birth to a healthy and beautiful little girl. For some reason unknown to us a decision was made by this woman, her husband and/or her in-laws, to abandon the little girl. Although it is against the law to abandon a child in China the person that left the child took the risk of choosing a safe public place where the baby would be found quickly. The infant entered the Shangrao Social Welfare Institute and was named Ling Wan Han. We all know this beautiful, precious girl as Natalie Wanhan.
Today on her birthday I am sending loving thoughts to a mother and father in China who will never know this amazing child. It is a bittersweet feeling...I feel sad for their loss and for Natalie's loss but so grateful that they gave Natalie life. They must wonder what became of the newborn baby they abandoned. I wish that they could know how loved Natalie is by her Mama, Baba, grandparents, Auntie, teachers, classmates, family, friends and of course her sidekick Louie.
One of Natalie's birthday presents is the shirt she is wearing to school today which reads "Anyone who thinks diamonds are a girl's best friend hasn't met my Newfoundland"
Louie just turned 4 years old a few days ago.
Another of my January Birthday sweeties joins in the love fest
Natalie is all bundled up and ready for school. She will probably be running around all day pointing to her shirt and saying "Doggie! WOOF!" Happy Birthday My Dear Gary, Natalie and Louie! I love you all so much and I'm grateful for every day that I spend with you!
After celebrating Chinese New Year five times without our daughter, the celebration this year was a revelation to Gary and I. Seeing the festivities through Natalie's eyes made it so much more fun for us. The Year of the Dragon is considered to be the luckiest in the cycle of 12 zodiac years. Considering that it is our first full year home with Natalie it definitely feels very lucky to us.
Natalie was too excited to be still for photos.
The celebration we attended this year was an international one - not just Chinese. We got to sample many different cuisines. Natalie's favorite thing was the noodles - surprise! Her second favorite was a Korean rice cake which you will see her holding in the video at the end of the post.
The event took place on 1/20/12...exactly two months after the date we arrived home from China. It is amazing how much all 3 of us have changed during that time. Gary and I are both wrapped around Natalie's little finger and delighting in all of her smiles and laughter. We, like most parents, think she is the most amazing child in the world.
Natalie has come so far out of the shell that she was hiding deep inside when we first met her. She still wants Mama and Baba close by (which is a sign of good attachment), but she is becoming a little more adventurous and more friendly to new people.
Natalie's very favorite part of the evening was the entertainment section that featured Irish Dancers. The edited video below is more about Natalie's reaction to the dancers than the dancing itself. I'll have to make another video of the full dances. They were so fun to watch. Natalie definitely thought so - she was clapping, cheering and at times doing her own little jig. At the very end of the video you can hear Natalie shouting "Yay!"
When you shop at Amazon.com please click on the above logo to do your shopping. You will be supporting LWB, an organization that provides many orphans in China much needed surgery, food, education and love.
"Welcome home to the Happy Haus" is the greeting I used to receive from Gary when we arrived home from work each day. Gary and I brought our daughter Natalie home from China in November 2011 to live with us in our cozy cottage. In October of 2013, we unexpectedly lost Gary, our dear husband, father and friend.
Our family includes our two sweet Newfoundland dogs, Katie and Louie. Newfoundlands are working dogs, so we make sure our two always have a job to do. Katie and Louie are both certified therapy dogs and bring lots of joy to people who are in need of some Newfie love. They have also competed in Rally Obedience. Katie has earned a Rally Advanced title and Louie has earned a Rally Excellent title. In keeping with Newf tradition, Katie has become a proficient draft dog while Louie prefers practicing water rescue whenever he gets an opportunity. They are also both protectors of their little sister, Natalie.
- Charity
