One Year Ago Today: Referral Day

One year ago today I was sitting at home eagerly waiting for the phone to ring. It was a Friday and I had taken the day off work to have privacy for what I knew would be a very emotional experience. It turns how I had no idea just how extremely emotional it was going to be. Six years after we started our adoption journey Gary and I were finally receiving our referral for our daughter. I decided to document our referral day by videoing it, but when the phone rang around 10:30 a.m. I completely forgot that the camera was rolling in the background. In fact, I discovered later that I had over two hours of footage showing me talking to family and friends about our referral. I tried to compile my favorite moments into the movie below.

A friend of mine once told me that I am not a pretty crier and I know that is true. However, remembering how hungry I was during the wait for any insight into the adoption process I decided to go ahead and post this in case any waiting families want a glimpse into our referral day.

 I remember my heart was racing and my tears flowing when I first heard the voice of Jean from CCAI, our adoption agency.  Before she told me anything about Natalie I felt a great sense of relief that the wait was over.  It felt like a weight had been lifted off of me.  Then the reality hit that I was about to learn about my daughter.  One of the things I most wanted to know was how old Natalie was, but I managed to be patient just a bit longer as I waited for Jean to give us the information on Natalie in her own sequence. 

Seeing Natalie's face for the first time was the most intense moment of this incredible experience. On a loop, my brain kept repeating, "That beautiful little stranger is our daughter." It took quite a while to fully sink in and I enjoyed every minute of the process. Our agency had warned us not to get too attached to the photograph. That was my intention, but in the end I could not heed that warning. Gary and I both attached to the child in that photograph, or at least to our idea of her. We fell in love fast and we fell hard.

It's Not Much of a Dance Tune

...but Natalie seems to like it.

Birthdays and Delays

A few weeks ago Natalie attended her first ever birthday party for one of her classmates who turned 3.  It was held at a gym that is especially designed for little kids.  She had a great time and we are looking forward to going to another birthday party in a couple of weeks.

As I watched Natalie navigate around on the gym equipment I was stunned by the difference between her and her classmates who are all within 6 months of each other in age.  The likelihood that Natalie spent most of her waking hours in a walker or in a potty chair for the first 21 months of her life was apparent. Although she has made rapid progress since she came home 10 months ago, we felt like she could benefit from additional assistance to help her catch up the rest of the way.  

Natalie was recently tested and qualified for physical therapy to help her gain strength and gross motor skills, occupational therapy to help her with her fine motor skills, speech therapy to help with her articulation and developmental therapy which is a combination of the other three.  She tested almost at her age level for expressive and receptive speech which is amazing to me after such a short exposure to English.  She is speaking in paragraphs now and it is so much fun to talk to her.  Her innovative little brain comes up with things that sometimes make us laugh and sometimes make us shake our heads in awe of how smart and creative she is.

I'll post updates on her progress in her various therapies in the coming months.  I wish we had started this process last spring, but since neither her peditrician or teachers were concerned we were a bit blind to the problem.  I want to encourage families that are still waiting or are recently home with their children to seek out help sooner rather than later.  Many states offer these therapies for free.

Wish we could play together every day...

We recently had a visit from our two cousins who live in Seattle.  Natalie was so excited to have a playmate in the house and she instantly looked up to her 6 year old cousin A.


For days after the visit Natalie kept asking "Where's A?"  and then answered her own question by saying "A is working".  At her school they tell the children that their parents are at work and will pick them up when they get done.  I guess Natalie assumed that A works too :)

Daddy, Daughter & Dollies

On a recent Saturday evening dinner at the Oyster Bar I snapped this picture which is one of my favorites of all time.  I can't stop staring at my two sweeties.




Natalie's grandparents recently visited and brought her and her baby doll matching outfits.  Natalie was so proud that she took her doll to school to show her teachers.


Natalie decided that Dot Dolly needed shoes and socks so Daddy helped her achieve her vision.

Sing Me to Sleep

Da Mu Ji is a simple song about a Big Hen that says:  "I have a big hen, I love her, She loves me."  It's Natalie's all-time favorite song.  Her second favorite is "Bye-o-baby".   You will hear bits and pieces of these songs in this little video. I love how caring Natalie is with her dollies.  Sometimes she says her dollies are sad and she will hug them to her chest, pat their backs and croon to them "It's ok dolly, ohhhhh, it's ok".

Family and Attachment

Gary, Natalie and I recently drove to my grandmother's house for a family reunion where Natalie was initiated into many of our clan's traditions.  Getting to see beloved family members, many of whom I had not seen in several years, made the day so special.  Being able to finally introduce our long-awaited daughter into the loving circle of my family made it a momentous occasion.  On top of all of that it also turned out to be a pivotal day that fused the three of us into an even more cohesive family unit.  

I haven't written much on our blog about the adoption attachment process.  After spending time with my husband, daughter, dogs, house and career I don't often have time to dive into the details of the adoption process as eloquently as some of my friends do.  Plus, it's such a nebulous process that it is very hard to describe.


Many attachment specialists say that generally it takes the same amount of time that the child spent without you for complete attachment to take place.  In Natalie's case that would be 21 months.  We are currently at the 8 month mark.  Natalie has known for many months that we are her Mommy and Daddy, but her attachment to us has been a bit on the insecure side (which is not at all unusual).  It seemed like she was afraid she could be taken away from us at any time which makes complete sense given the fact that she had four sets of parents by the time she was just 21 months old.  She was having night terrors and nightmares that often woke me up 10-20 times a night.  I say woke "me" up because Natalie frequently slept through them.


The day of the reunion I saw a major shift in her whole demeanor.  Soon after we arrived Natalie let me put her down rather than demanding to be held the whole time as she normally does in strange situations.  She then began exploring my Grandmother's large front yard by walking a long distance back and forth between Gary and me.  She was aware of where each of us were, but seemed very relaxed as she ventured around on her little legs.  After the reunion her sleep dramatically improved, so it seems the impact of the day was tremendous.  She has even had several nights of zero waking...not even a peep!  

(In the following pictures you will see Natalie with a green chew toy in her mouth.  She was in the process of cutting her 2 year molars and putting pressure on the toy helped to relieve her pain.)

Natalie's Grandmother and Great-aunt eagerly wait for us to park our car.  

Sleepy Natalie and her Grandmother

Meeting some of our many family members.  Everyone was so happy to meet Natalie at last.

Checking in with my sweet girl in the midst of all the family activities

Daddy and Natalie head across the street to visit a horse.  Ever since this day Natalie has been obsessed with horses.  When she sees one in a book she excitedly says "A Horse, A Horse! Daddy, Natalie horse!  Hi Horsey!"  Natalie loves a Sesame street video of a boy who is learning to ride and care for a horse.  She will sometimes watch it 10 times in a row.

Natalie's height gets added to the family growth chart that has been around for many years.

"Daddy save me from this craziness"

My sister and I with our girls (minus one Westpoint Niece who was spending most of the summer in jump school)

Another family tradition: Locust shells on the nose.  "What is my Auntie doing?"

Natalie's Granddaddy

"These people are pretty silly, but I like them."

Back row: Dad, Gary, Me, My Stepmother, My Sister, Niece and Brother in law

Front row: Natalie, Grandmother and my youngest Niece

The horse was such a hit earlier in the day that Gary took Natalie to see the cows too. 

At first Natalie called them "Doggies" which makes sense when you consider the size of doggie that she is used to.

Me and Natalie with one of my favorite cousins.

Natalie and her Greatgrandmother were the oldest and youngest people at the gathering.

Gary and I have always been fond of this particular tree.  In the past we have had our picture made of us hugging it with our fingers linked.  This year little Natalie joined in our tradition.

We are grateful to be part of such a big, loving family and to have our little family becoming closer everyday.

Loving on Louie

Natalie spent her last few minutes of free time before school reading a book while sitting beside her friend Louie.



I love to see little Natalie with our gentle giant Louie.  They are quite a pair of sweeties.






At the end of the video when Gary asks if she is ready to go she excitedly says "Water Play!".  During the summer months they have a water play session every Friday morning.  Natalie looks forward to it all week.

We ❤ Sesame Street

Natalie is really enjoying Sesame Street these days.  She will frequently stand in front of my computer and ask for "Movie, Movie".  Once I put her in my desk chair she will request/demand "Elmo!  Cookie!".  Those are her two current favorite characters.  The Cookie part is a bit ironic since we don't even keep cookies in our house.  Elmo comes up in conversation every day. We sing his song about brushing your teeth every night. Sometimes Natalie will also refer to Elmo by saying things like "Elmo eat oatmeal"(as she eats her oatmeal) or "Elmo sad"(usually because she is remembering a past booboo).

There are over 1,200 videos on the Sesame YouTube channel.  I picked out Natalie's favorites along with some that I think teach great lessons.  I grouped them into categories so we can focus on related topics at different times.  She usually gets to watch Sesame Street for about 20 minutes a day while I am getting supper on the table.

My personal favorite is the Sesame Dance playlist.  Natalie and I love to dance around the room to those songs.  We thought we would share our picks with some of our friends who have young children.  Enjoy!

Click here to go to our Sesame Playlist page on YouTube.

Water Park

Since Natalie loves "Water Play" days at school we decided to take her to a local park which has a flash pad water park installed.  When we first arrived she was a bit intimidated.  See how she was clinging to her Daddy's shirt?



She began to relax since her Daddy was keeping her safe.



Natalie started to become curious about what the other children were doing.



She decided to try standing on her own, but still used Daddy as an anchor.








The water park is fun!



Natalie loved going down the tunnel slide with her Daddy.






Mama this water is "Wet!"






A happy smile from our little water girl.



Bye, bye water park